Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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