the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
