I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
