Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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