I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
