we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
