he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
