Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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