what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
