I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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