hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
