I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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