I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he was CRYING into my vagina
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
