she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
