Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
don't judge my taste in strippers
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
