Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
