I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
