When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
