Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
