Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
