dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Randomize
