Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
