doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I checked into jail on foursquare
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
