In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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