I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
