Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
