u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
