Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
