just come out here and I will go home with you...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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