Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
