does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
