1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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