just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
