I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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