Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
