The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
