I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
