you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
