The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
