She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
