what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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