Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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