Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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