I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And then my night got REAL pukey
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
