i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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