Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
