The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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