I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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