So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
