worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
