Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
