And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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