...so i touched it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
