I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
