I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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