one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
